Big Bang Poetry

Reinventing the Life of a Poet in the Modern World

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52 Haiku, Week 45

TechThe week I've been struggling with technology. I have so many boxes for my TV, it's ridiculous and a sign of the times. Multimedia means we're now entangled in all sorts of platforms (androids, iphones, a PC, a Mac, streaming video on a zip drive, DVD, Blu-ray, CDs, vinyl, bluetooth, wifi, Sirius, old-timey TV antenna) – and I've dealt with each of those media in the last week for some reason or other. I've replaced batteries in three remotes!

At times like this, I need a haiku written down on a piece of paper. I NEED IT.

The Prompt: Waiting

This week's prompt:

"It is when your practice is rather greedy that you become discouraged with it."
        – Shunryu Suzuki

First task is to sit for a meditation on that for 5-10 minutes or however long you feel is good to you.

The Drawing

20200130_104529

My Haiku

…inspired by my drawing:

Famished for apples.
Just wait for what comes to you.
The Fall will feed you.

The Reflection

Don't try so hard. Easier said then done but you see it clearly in other people. It's a controlling desire: to get that thing out of the way, get it done already, tick that task off your lengthy list. So pleasurable to check off and cross out a list item!! But this is another requirement for patience. It's also a lesson in wanting too much, more than you really need (which is the definition of more than your share). You can hoard guidance and spirit as much as anything else. Let someone else cut in line. As a practice.

 

What have you got?

Self-Help Poetry

Selfie Selfie

I've been doing some revisionist thinking about self help.

Many things have contributed to this: a 10-day webinar about narcissism and two books I recently finished. 

The 2010 book Living Oprah (given to me as a gift) is about what happens to your self-esteem if you followed every piece of advice from the old Oprah Winfrey Show for a full year. Oprah Winfrey-fan Robyn Okrant does this as an experiment and hilarity ensues. But along the way she starts to question the value of most self-help agendas and time-sucks and wild-goose chases. I too like Oprah but am realizing self-nurturing does not provide for yourself or others the way we've believed it should.

It's amazing how positive Okrant managed to stay about Oprah and the Oprah-industrial-complex. This book was in no way anti-Oprah as much it was questioning our obsession with self-help.

So this parlayed nicely with another book I was reading at the same time, Selfie by Will Storr (also a gift book). This was an amazing book about the unhappy intersection between pull-yourself-up-by-the-bootstraps American Individualism (and an Ayn Rand kind of conservatism) with the self esteem movement (EST and other Californian self-help initiatives, a largely post-hippie liberalism). Both have merged to produce this 2020 world citizen.

I’m someone who has always been attracted to self-help prescriptions because I believe I’m in dire need of it and I have the willpower and stamina to actually do the things. Am I self-improved? Has it all been a waste of time and a tragic loss of engagement with possible communities and outward serving life models?

I bring this up in Big Bang Poetry because I know there are a large group of poets who find poetry writing helpful toward self-exploration and self-healing (self-help in a nutshell), or as part of the meditative process. While that has never been my main goal in writing myself, I do see the value in it, which is why I’ve been working on 52 Haiku.

These are both good books if you are interested in refocusing your aims and where you choose to place your time. It might also affect what subjects you choose to write about.  

52 Haiku, Week 44

This week my friend Natalie and I were on the phone talking about perfectionism because we really wanted to reduce our anxiety and issues around our tendencies toward being perfect. My desire to work on this was mainly in response to reading the book Selfie by Will Storr. Culture today, with all its self-help books, podcasts, classes and all the reality "game" shows on the air seeking the most perfect singer, clothes designer, cook, survivor on some island of woebegones, has resulted only in a sad mess of narcissism. Well, that's not everybody, but it's a lot of us. 

Some people are driven by their negative self-loathing voices. I'm not that person. I'm driven by the high of doing something perfectly, like Mary Poppins. Early model. 

I'm that guy who will polish the silver appliances and faucets before a diner party. My house is a mess until the diner party, but everything must sparkle and be a full-sensory adventure of amazing-ness for my friends. It becomes controlling and ridiculous, with all due respect to Mary Poppins. I don't imagine I'm going to stop doing this but I'd like to tone it down.

But even our drive to reduce our perfectionism seeks to do it perfectly. It's a hard habit to break.  You see it when people first try to meditate and are convinced they're doing it wrong. 

I'm trying to acclimate to the idea that I'm a mess of imperfections in many tragic areas and these issues may not be resolved in my lifetime. I may end this life without having fixed my imperfections. And that's okay. 

The Prompt: Waiting

This week's prompt:

"When the student is ready, the teacher will appear."
        – Zen Proverb

First task is to sit for a meditation on that for 5-10 minutes or however long you feel is good to you.

The Drawing

20200124_100923

My Haiku

…inspired by my drawing:

The wood of knowledge
on the throne of readiness:
the cusp of blooming.

The Reflection

But giving up on perfectionism is not the same thing as giving up on yourself, giving up on growth and being better. It's just giving up control of when and how that happens. Another thing you can't control is when your epiphanies will come, when you will get those enlightened moments. I hate to use the word patience but it does involve waiting. A better goal is to forget the whole idea of self-improvement on a set schedule. If you relax into your life and take things as they comes, the teacher does appear.

 

And now…you.

52 Haiku, Week 43

MaysartonofficeWhen you have a big list of todos, sometimes you can't get them all todone and you have to just go with the flow. I was doing really well on my enormous checklist this week when two illnesses took me down on two separate days. Flexibility…it's what keeps us in the game of unpredictability! Not the same thing as giving in exactly, but a regrouping!

The picture top is of poet May Sarton in her office. I really love the look of a cluttered office! All that beautiful paper in toppling towers. So much work to do! How fun! Just this week I published a poem of hers online that pertains tangentially to the political situation in 2020. I have a page that's getting a lot of visits right now, an anthology of poems about dictators and political struggle.  This week I posted her poem "An Observation" which is very similar to our quote this week (how serendipitous!) but where this quote says be soft to be tough, her poem talks about an individual toughness needed for a gentle world. 

The Prompt: What is Strength?

This week's prompt:

"Only when you can be extremely pliable and soft, can you be extremely hard and strong."
        – Zen Proverb

First task is to sit for a meditation on that for 5-10 minutes or however long you feel is good to you.

The Drawing

20200117_094532

 

My Haiku

…inspired by my drawing:

Roots and stem, then wind.
All across the valley floor
the tough plans disperse.

The Reflection

I love the Zen proverbs that are paradoxes, that ask you to accept the absurd contractions. And isn't that the magic of it all?

 

Go and get 'er done!

52 Haiku, Week 42

A lot of people don't like housework. Although I don't like vacuuming particularly and I never have time to do the full abode regularly, I don't hate doing it. I hate the looming pressure of it, but not the actually task. And I think this wisdom below has helped me in that area of "things the living must do," unless you hire these activities out to a cleaning service, to which I would say (unless you're old and ailing), too bad for you. 

The Prompt: Washing Dishes

This week's prompt:

"When walking, walk. When eating, eat."
        – Zen Proverb

First task is to sit for a meditation on that for 5-10 minutes or however long you feel is good to you.

The Drawing

20200109_104408

My Haiku

…inspired by my drawing:

Focus of calmness
Mind for what the hand can hold
Chopping, washing, love

The Reflection

There's a kick to doing something mundane with purpose and concentration, something you first learned to do very long ago, like walking. Or something you learned when you were still forming into a person with an identity, like cooking, cleaning, mowing. It's fascinating to focus on your resistance to the task: what is upsetting you? Why don't you want to do it? How do you feel when you're doing it and why? Is another feeling an option?

Things like this seem mundane, but they can change your life.

 

You try it.

52 Haiku, Week 41

Well, so our backyard sprinkler froze and our living room flooded over the holiday. Good times. It's always something, huh? As I was thinking about this week's New Year's post, I found a list of sayings I once had when I lived in Litiz, Pennsylvania. The area has a big Amish and Mennonite population, plus a plethora of elder-religions of the Colonial era like the Lititz's Moravians and the nearby Ephrita Cloister (which you can tour and it's lovely). Plus all the existing Christian churches and you get a local tradition of them putting their wise sayings on billboards by the street. Churches everywhere have them and even liquor stores and auto mechanics got in on the action. Here's a list of funny sayings I collected:

  • "Give Satan an inch and he will become a ruler." (very pertinent to our times in 2020)
  • "Got beer"
  • "Do your plains fail or do you fail to plan?"
  • "As long as your eyes hear, your head won't swell." (wha?)
  • "Do you own things or do things own you?"
  • "Beer won't come to you. You'll have to come to us." 

I picked this week's saying from my list.

The Prompt: New Start

This week's prompt:

"Never let yesterday use up too much of today."
        – Neffsville Auto Center

First task is to sit for a meditation on that for 5-10 minutes or however long you feel is good to you.

The Drawing

20200106_151044

My Haiku

…inspired by my drawing:

Another warm light,
the edge of the wide open:
the year's gray morning

The Reflection

January 1 is probably my favorite day of the year: it marks another beginning, a do-over, a clearing away of the bad karma (as if karma followed this Roman calendar). It's a time of new lists and new plans. And it always feels refreshing to me. 

 

Now: you.

52 Haiku, Week 40

This is my last post of the year. I'll resume in the first week of January 2020. We're a bit behind, but that's okay. I can't believe I've been doing these since February! Going into the holiday season, stay calm! Let some joy in. 

The Prompt: Happiness

This week's prompt:

"All I can guarantee you is that as long as you are searching for happiness, you will remain unhappy."
        – U.G. Krishnaamurti

First task is to sit for a meditation on that for 5-10 minutes or however long you feel is good to you.

The Drawing

20191212_110348

My Haiku

…inspired by my drawing:

Plant your flag, decide
not to delay, unfurling
like leaves on a tree

The Reflection

My mom always had a variation of this quote from Abraham Lincoln: you are only as happy as you decide to be. His official quote was, "Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be." I do want to add the caveat that this prescription does not apply to anybody with chemical or situational depression, but for all the rest of us with vague ennui, happiness is one choice of many. 

 

What do you think?

52 Haiku, Week 39

I'm back to feeling productive this week. I feel like I'm in a good groove of continual clean out and have devised some good readings and projects for next year. Getting ready to take a break for the holiday. We have about 13 weeks left of this haiku challenge and I'll be starting up an essay reading review next year. I've accumulated quite a stack here and it's time to let them go via this blog. It's time to make some emptiness for the future.

The Prompt: Emptiness

This week's prompt:

"We shape clay into a pot, but it is the emptiness inside that holds whatever we want."
        – Lao Tzu

First task is to sit for a meditation on that for 5-10 minutes or however long you feel is good to you.

The Drawing

20191206_132117

My Haiku

…inspired by my drawing:

snow pears, leaves of gold,
the rubies of oxygen,
bowl full of desire

The Reflection

I have long loved this quote. It inspired the clay bowl carried around by Coyote on the cattle drive in my book Cowboy Meditation Primer, and I even talk about ideas around the insides of bowls in the Traveler's Guide to the book. Bowls are so meditative, especially when you are making them from earth materials. The air seems so much more valuable. The space is as valuable as the stuff.

 

Now your turn.

NordicTrack, Modern Anxiety and Bumper Stickers

NorictracModern angst, right? Recently I fell for an email scam by NordicTrack for a tune up on my treadmill. They surprisingly and immediately outsourced the project to a treadmill parts company who themselves then outsourced me to a repair company out of Arizona(!) because, they said, there were no mechanics smart enough or patient enough to learn how to service NordicTracks in the whole state of New Mexico. 

It was, predictably, a shit show. It took the Arizona company weeks to schedule visits to New Mexico and they kept trying to schedule visits on weekends two days before that weekend. I wasn’t allowed to schedule anything ahead. So if say I was on vacation Memorial Day weekend, they’d fully expect me to cancel that the Thursday prior. If you were out of town, too bad for you. You had to wait another two weeks or a month later for another late-minute, surprise schedule request. Great customer service, right?

I ordered the tune up in April and it wasn’t completed until July! They could have avoided all this by saying the NordicTrack tuneup service wasn't available in New Mexico but….they didn't offer that information…or a refund. Sucker!

And not only did I pay $200 for the tune-up, but I paid to fix all the broken items separately. The $200 was just a courtesy charge for the initial visit. At one point I was arguing with the middle company about getting a free visit for a mistake the repairman made on the previous visit that needed to be fixed before the tune-up could be completed. I did get the free visit.

No one understood the system, least of all me. And it was a horrible, time consuming experience being passed around on the phone for 30 minutes a transfer. Ultimately it was a complete rip-off at the end of which I was supposed  to receive a one-year warranty. Guess what? It never came.

I had no one to complain to in the tangle of outsourcings. The service was all spread out so thin no one would take responsibility for any mistake in the chain. Lots of finger pointing happened. And even the employees involved seemed confused and frustrated.

Great job, NordicTrac!

But this is all to describe a quote I read from the New York Times Magazine in an article entitled “Panic Attack,” a piece about modernity and why it’s making us so angry and full of anxiety:

“…our world [is full of] strange and byzantine distances between individuals and the grand global forces affecting us. This feels as obviously true today as it might have to a midcentury reader of Kafka. You can argue with a store owner; you can’t argue with the call-center representative of the company contracted to maintain the point-of-sale machine owned by another company contracted by the multinational conglomerate that owns the store….In the 1991 novel “Generation X” one of Douglas Coupland’s character ventures that “the world has gotten too big—way beyond our capacity to tell stories about it, and so all we’re stuck with are these blips and chunks and snippets on bumpers.” A pressing national worry, right now, is that our dueling bumper-sticker snippets have nothing productive to say to one another."

So think about that as you prepare and devise your stories and poems. What productive thing do you have to say that goes beyond a bumper-sticker snippet?

Poetry in the World

DylantArticles At-Large

I'm still reading New Yorkers. Years ago my friend also started sending me The Altantic and like the other magazine, I'm really behind. Here are the poetry related articles I've come across…

The Last Rock-Star Poet by James Parker (about Dylan Thomas)

BishoplowellThe Poet Laureate of Englishness/A Poet for the Age of Brexit by Adam Kirsch (about A.E. Housman)

The Odyssey and the Other: What the epic can teach about encounters with strangers abroad and at Home

Encrypted: Translators confront the supreme enigma of Stephane Mallarme’s poetry

Tragic Muses: What Elizabeth Bishop and Robert Lowell taught each other about turning pain into art

And I’ve been holding on to this gem of an article from Atlas Obscura for years: An Algorithmic Investigation of the Highfalutin “Poet Voice’ by Cara Giaimo. The author ponders the poetry reading and the sound of that wacky performance voice, “a slow, lilting delivery like a very boring ocean.” She opposes this to the similarly stilted NPR voice or Podcast voice.

Poems at Large

BirchboxMy monthly Birchbox subscription comes with five beauty product samples in a box with a card of instructions on how to use them all (because the bottle brandings are so Spartan and useless). There were poems in two of my recent boxes.

One box came with a special card inside. The card’s cover says “This is not a beauty box.” Except it totally is. The first inside page goes on to explain the company has learned that the world of beauty “is not simple” because their customers previously felt “overlooked by the entire industry because beauty isn’t their top priority” because they have kids and jobs and such.  And then page two goes on to say the usual “you deserve time to take care of you, you, you.” It’s an annoying message because it completely contradicts the message on page one. Then, on the back is a poem called “You: A Poem” about how “This is for You./The best of you…” including all the synonyms of your feelings the marketing companies want you to associate with their product: joy, perfection, power, lovable, kick ass, essentially the “you, you always wanted to be.” The poem states, “You may be out of moisturizer,/but you’re not out of time” and “Because the best of you,/requires a little time, with you.” The poem ends with, “(For once it’s all about you)” (no end period).

SummitThere are some superfluous commas hanging around this poem…and a TON of narcissism, a vice marketing is enabling us with at every corner and intersection. "Have it YOUR way."

Which makes the reference to “for once” a bit absurd. It’s always about you, that's why the poem has been added to my Birchbox. And that’s why we’re collectively losing our minds and killing each other out here.

Ok. Part of this is the Narcissism summit talking. Sounds True hosted a 10-day Understanding Narcissism conference, a 20+ hour conference on all aspects of cultural Narcissism. It was really great.

LikethisInside another one of the recent boxes was a perfume sample of Like This (subtitled LEtat d’Orange and Immortal Ginger is also part of the label so I was pretty confused about what the title of the product really was) created by actress Tilda Swinton.

Anyway, the card containing the sample says the perfume was inspired by the poet Rumi with no explanation.

So I went online and found this page where the description of the perfume elaborates:

Etat Libre d’Orange launches a new fragrance in March 2010, second celebrity perfume in a row, this time inspired by the English actress Tilda Swinton. Her favorite scent is the scent of home, so she wanted a fragrance that will be a magical potion with that kind of smell. Mathilde Bijaoui created for her a composition of yellow tangerine, ginger, pumpkin, immortelle, Moroccan neroli, Grass rose, vetiver, heliotrope and musk.

"I have always located my favourite fragrances at the doorways of kitchens, in the heart of a greenhouse, at the bottom of a garden. Scent means place to me : place and state of mind – even state of grace. Certainly state of ease. My favourite smells are the smells of home, the experience of the reliable recognisable after the exotic adventure: the regular – natural – turn of the seasons, simplicity and softness after the duck and dive of definition in the wide, wide world.

When Mathilde Bijaoui first asked me what my own favourite scent in a bottle might contain, I described a magic potion that I could carry with me wherever I went that would hold for me the fragrance – the spirit – of home. The warm ginger of new baking on a wood table, the immortelle of a fresh spring afternoon, the lazy sunshine of my grandfather's summer greenhouse, woodsmoke and the whisky peat of the Scottish Highlands after rain. I told her about a bottle of spirit, something very simple, to me : something almost indescribable, so personal it should be. The miracle is that Mathilde made it.

The great Sufi poet Rumi wrote:

If anyone wants to know what "spirit" is,
or what "God’s fragrance" means,
lean your head toward him or her.
Keep your face there close.

Like this.

TsThis is possibly my favourite poem of all time.

It restores me like the smoke/rain/gingerbread/ greenhouse my scent-sense is fed by. It is a poem about simplicity, about human-scaled miracles. About trust. About home.

In my fantasy there is a lost chapter of Alice in Wonderland – after the drink saying Drink Me, after the cake pleading Eat Me – where the adventuring, alien, Alice, way down the rabbit hole, far from the familiar and maybe somewhat homesick – comes upon a modest glass with a ginger stem reaching down into a pale golden scent that humbly suggests : Like This…"

Tilda Swinton

Here is the Rumi poem in its entirety:

If anyone asks you
how the perfect satisfaction
of all our sexual wanting
will look, lift your face
and say,

Like this.

When someone mentions the gracefulness
of the nightsky, climb up on the roof
and dance and say,

Like this.

If anyone wants to know what 'spirit' is,
or what 'God’s fragrance' means,
lean your head toward him or her.
Keep your face there close.

Like this.

When someone quotes the old poetic image
about clouds gradually uncovering the moon,
slowly loosen knot by knot the strings
of your robe.

Like this.

If anyone wonders how Jesus raised the dead,
don’t try to explain the miracle.
Kiss me on the lips.

Like this. Like this.

When someone asks what it means
to 'die for love,' point
here.

If someone asks how tall I am, frown
and measure with your fingers the space
between the creases on your forehead.

This tall.

The soul sometimes leaves the body, the returns.
When someone doesn’t believe that,
walk back into my house.

Like this.

When lovers moan,
they’re telling our story.

Like this.

I am a sky where spirits live.
Stare into this deepening blue,
while the breeze says a secret.

Like this.

When someone asks what there is to do,
light the candle in his hand.

Like this.

How did Joseph’s scent come to Jacob?

Huuuuu.

How did Jacob’s sight return?

Huuuu.

A little wind cleans the eyes.

Like this.

When Shams comes back from Tabriz,
he’ll put just his head around the edge
of the door to surprise us

Like this.

And I loved this New Yorker cartoon and have kept it for a while and I'm ready to throw it out now:

Cartoon

 

 

 

 

 

 

"They rifled through our drawers, ransacked our closets, and completely redeveloped the central character in Carltron’s novel.”

 

And finally, a Tom Jones poem my friend Julie sent me a while ago because we're always on the lookout for pop-culture poetry, "Because I cannot remember my first kiss" by Roger Bonair-Agard.

But who doesn't remember their first kiss?

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